OWNing a Home…

I recently watched the movies Sisters, in that there is a line where one of the characters states “a house is a building, home is a feeling.” When you buy your first house that is what you are trying to create; a “home” -that combined with too much HGTV well makes home ownership complicated.

Especially, for my generation! We typically had parents that made money on their houses, and then late in their life some lost money on their homes.  So as a result we are prone to unrealistic expectations from houses, or severely jaded. So when Mark and I went to buy a house, I did my research and decided to be as realistic as possible.

First things first, I think of a house that I plan to live in as an asset not an investment. What is the difference you might ask? An asset is something that can be owned that has value ideally with some positive economic return in the future. An investment is defined as the outlay of money for profit. At any given point I should be able to sell my house and cover my mortgage (ideally of course make money, but not with an expectation of that). Any updates done in my mind is done for us; the “value” it adds for us and making it a “home.” Another thing I made sure was to be realistic about what we could afford. M and I both have good credit, the bank told us we can afford a lot more than our house value, and they will do that. So be realistic about what you want to pay monthly and what that means for your lifestyle. Mark and I did not want to be “House Poor.” You don’t want to own a superb house and eat ramen daily. Finally, here is a motto from our home search that is super useful: “price, location, and size/layout” pick two! It is very unlikely that you get the size, price and location you want- you will need to compromise on something.

Once you have a house, and are happy with it your quest for a home begins. Making your house into a home is simple in some ways; make it comfortable for the people living there. And at the core that is all there is to it. But like I said earlier too much HGTV complicates this. Therefore, many homeowners have bigger dreams than pockets, this is us too! We want out home prettier, more modern etc. So here we are learning to DIY! One project at a time. Some small, some big and it has been an adventure.

What have we learned so far? Well we are typically not the best at DIYing, we always underestimate time. While it is a pain and we might not do A LOT of it, we do enjoy aspects of it, and there is a pride in it that is hard to explain.We are generally good at ideas; execution seems to be our problem. Sometimes it seems to man vs. house, and the house always wins. We will need a lot of help to make our home the way we want!

So then at the end of the day the question is whether home ownership is worth it? And the answer is yes, if you are realistic. You do build equity that you do not in a rental, you can make it a home in a way you often can’t a rental. That said I don’t home ownership if for everyone! And I do think we should stop insisting it is in America (I feel like there is a push for it that is not necessary and not accurate, may be it is just me). You can be as happy and financially stable renting. I was for years. 

So go ahead buy a home, if you want to and makes sense for you!

(I hope if you are reading this, you appreciate the pun in the title)

Blogging More (Again)

A month ago; I was reflecting on what I would like to do more this year. And, one month in I feel pretty good!

Mark and I are both healthier than we were a month ago.

Our house a little less chaotic and projects have decent progress made towards them.

We both have been reading like crazy. He is 10 books in, I am 7. 

One place I continue to stumble is this blog…

What I love about the blogs I read is they share things of my interest and create a community around it.  But I am not sure that is what my blog is now. And if that is the direction I want to go then I also open myself to more scrutiny from outsiders. Is that something I want to do? Or this just a blog for my thoughts and writing for myself?

I continue to be confused about this. But I am going to try to do more of it to figure it out. The goal going forward is one post a week? 

Thinking about a New Year...

We are a little more than half a month into the New Year, so I am reflecting on 2015 and New Year’s in general? 

2015….

Both Mark and I got new jobs towards the end of 2015 so that meant some lifestyle changes. What that looks like and how we manage it? Well we are still working on it, we are hoping to get a routine-ish figured out soon. 

We also want to have a little more productive lifestyles but we want to also devote some times to our hobbies. Much of 2015 was a rush, especially the summer, we neither were able to get tasks we wanted done nor did we take the time to enjoy our hobbies. We want to slow down in 2016. 

I became a little bit healthier in 2015. I decided I wanted to lose 30 lbs before I am thirty, and create a healthy lifestyle I could sustain. This has inspired Mark to figure out what his goals and what he wants, I hope he joins my efforts that will make life easier in the coming year. 

As I mentioned earlier we want to devote some more time to hobbies! The most important one being reading. In 2015 I did not really recreationally read as much as I wanted, and I am not sure why. May be time? I love reading and it makes me happy, so I am going to pick up the pace on reading again! Also I want to tackle some more organizing projects.

I also want to figure out is blogging a hobby I want to pursue? I think I meant to figure out if I wanted to continue blogging or not in 2015. I did not. I went a year without doing it because I felt like people who blog had more of a purpose in their words than I did?  But I did not figure out if I enjoy it or not, if this is something I want to do or not? The plan this year is to dedicate a little more time to the blog. I believe any hobby requires you spend time on it, and I have not done that with blogging. If I spend some time doing it, I will also figure out if I want to or not. 

As you can see I have taken sometime to think about changes I want to happen in 2016, although I don’t do traditional “resolutions.” I always use the New Year to celebrate life and reflect. New Year for me is about celebrating life; understanding it  and questioning it a little more. It is about reflecting, and sometimes changing yourself, relationships, and worldviews. And that’s what I do every new year! 

What does the New Year mean to you? What do you do with it? 

I love New Year. I am not even sure when it started. I assume back in India; our New Year celebrations were magical. We lived in what would be equivalent of condos in the US, and on the rooftop there would be a party. Starting late evening there would a show put on by the kids, dinner, games and evening ended at midnight with countdown, cake and fireworks. Then as I went to bed I would think about the good and bad of the year that had just passed, and what can be better this yea? My mom told me to  do it one year and I just continued…

I cannot say New Year has been as magical as I grew up. But nostalgia well it is powerful! So no matter if my New Year now involves a huge celebration or falling asleep before midnight, I start the New Year with a little reflection and a smile! 

My husband does not understand this love for New Year he says it is like any other day of the year. No one changes overnight into another person. He believes if you want to change something in your life you should not wait till the New Year. I understand what he says about not waiting till New Year to change things one needs to change (which is why I don’t do resolutions in the traditional sense?) but there is something refreshing about feeling like you have a chance at a new start! I embrace it wholeheartedly. Some people reflect and readjust on their birthday, but I prefer New Years. For me my birthday is about celebrating me, while New Year is more about reflecting on life. So Cheers to 2016! 

Gnocchi with Sage Brown Butter and Roasted Squash

So fall is the air here is Wisconsin. One of my favorite things about fall is all the squash and pumpkins around. As part of our CSA we received a delicate squash, and sage. As soon as I saw those two ingredients I was thinking Roasted Squash with Sage Brown Butter. When searching for Sage Brown Butter at some of my frequented food blogs I came upon this Pumpkin Gnocchi Recipe. I combined these two recipes to come up with this recipe. It was superb and definitely getting made multiple times this fall.

Ingredients:
1 small Delicate or Butternut squash
1 lb Gnocchi
1 handful Sage
1/4 cup butter
2 tablespoons olive oil
Salt and Pepper to taste
1/4 cup Parmesan Reggiano

Directions:
1) Pre-heat oven to 400F
2) Cube the Squash into chunks about the size of the Gnocchi you are using. This particular time I used mini Gnocchi.
3) On large rimmed baking sheet toss squash with oil, salt and pepper. Roast for about 25 mins or until tender *
4) Bring a pot of salted water to a boil. Cook the gnocchi in boiling water until it floats to the surface, about 2-3 minutes, remove and set aside to drain.
5) In a pan melt butter until it just starts to brown
6) Toss in sage till crisp- about a minute
7) Add Squash in and saute- about a minute
8) Add Gnocchi in- toss till coated in butter.
9) Remove off heat garnish with Parmesan Reggiano and serve

* You can roast squash ahead of time making this a really quick weekday meal. If you do make it ahead of time I would suggest heating it to at least room temperature before tossing it in the pan. 

Saying Goodbye to My Lucky Star

Today M and I, buried our Lucky's ashes.

Lucky was the most magnificent cat you would meet. She was agile, curious, and beautiful. She was scared of thunderstorms but when the sun was out she loved exploring. She did not like going outside unless she could see me or MS. Then again, she loved exploring the porch (that was as outdoorsy as she got). She would meow like crazy for wet food and when she had her mousy with her.

Over ten years ago now, after a couple of years of living in the US, we really missed having pets. We had grown up with lots of pets (You can read more about it at my sister's blog), so we decided to start with a cat. We adopted her from Pet's Mart/Jefferson County Humane Society. I named her "Lucky" because I had been listening to the Britney Spears song Lucky,and because she was a black cat and people stupidly and superstitiously thought them unlucky and it is hard to find families for them. I thought she would be "Lucky" and she was for me. I would often call her my "Lucky" star.

I still remember the first day we brought her home. My parents and sister had to work that day but I was to be home with the cat. Unfortunately, as soon as we got her home, she found her home below my sister's bed. No persuasions or food got her out. After trying every so often for 2 hours, I fell asleep on the bed. When I woke up, there she was crouched in the corner looking at me. I put my hands out gently so she could smell it if she wanted. It took her 10 minutes but she finally made it to my arms. I slowly petted her and she started purring. Since that day, her and me, we had a connection.

When I came home from college she would sit at the counter waiting for me to pet her. When I cried she would come sit beside me. When I watched TV she was on me. When my grandfather died she sat on my feet by his bed as as I said goodbye. When I moved out I took her with me, and she adjusted really well. She actually loved being the only pet. She accepted MS, and made him love cats too, especially her. She was part of our big days too, when we got married and came home, when we bought a house. She loved the new house.

And then suddenly she was gone, and I was in more pain than I could imagine. I have had to say goodbye to pets before but this is much harder than other times. Perhaps because it came out of nowhere, perhaps it was because she was my mine and not as much a family pet, or perhaps because it was ultimately me who had to make the decision. Most likely a combination of all of the above.

It will be a week tomorrow. I still cry randomly at home when I miss her. I know the pain will get better, and I also know I will never stop missing her. But today I finally said goodbye! In Hinduism (not that I am particularly religious) you have a period mourning. Then you say goodbye (usually on the 12th day),  and start celebrating their life- meaning you mourn but you remember them positively and smile. Tomorrow, I will start celebrating my Lucky's life (or at least try to)!

 

Tacos And Bollywood: An Immigrant Sharing

Sometimes when my day just sucks or I am really tired, all I want to do is eat tacos and listen to Bollywood music (Not Taco Bell. I am talking true Mexican style tacos).

Why Taco's? Well most days when I am upset I don't feel like cooking. Good authentic tacos are cheaper than Indian food in Madison. Most importantly though they have more of a "home cooked" feel.  While Indian food is my comfort food, restaurant Indian food in Madison feels well like "restaurant food."

In the small  family run Mexican joints I find the flavors that are familiar to my palette. It also gives me the feeling of going to the food stall around the corner back in Mumbai.

Strange right? But that's how it is.

As it turns out though it is not so strange- at least not to one of the Mexican girl who works at El Pablano.

While waiting for my tacos after a really tiring day, I was asking her what things behind a refrigerated case were. She was struggling to explain the taste of something- as she could not think of the English word. So she brought on out a container so I could smell it. The guy who took my order earlier- returned at this point, and stated it was cinnamon. I thanked him and her, and continue conversing with the girl.

I explained why I like Mexican food and how it appeals to my Indian palette. Upon learning that I am from India- she looks excited, and explains she loves Bollywood. She changes the music to some good old Mohabbatein. She explains that Bollywood movies and music are her and her sister's go to entertainment. She says she like it more than American TV, and asks me how to say some things in Hindi.

So here we are two immigrant girls- chatting- and finding comfort in other's culture. It is one of those surreal moments in life that I won't be forgetting any time soon.

A generation 1.5 Immigrant: A Fish Out of Water

Despite this blog being called
"Chai and Pie." I really have not talked about cross-cultural issues. I think it is due to the fact that it is difficult to talk about things when the topic makes you feel vulnerable. But at core of my existence is my mixed identity; I would not be authentic if I did not talk about it. What perhaps makes my identity more complicated is the age at which I came to the United States.

While my childhood was honestly Indian, I was very much an American Teenager in many ways.
As a result I do not really identify with Indians who were born and raised in the United States. Nor do I identify with my parents, or other first generation immigrant Indians. I do not know any Indians that are like me, a generation 1.5 immigrant (Not saying there aren't any- I just don't know any). Therefore, my closest Indian friends are in India. Most Indians I hangout with in the US are related to me. My friends in the US are mostly those to identify as American. I am very grateful for the friends and family I have both in India and the United States- Honestly, they are awesome! They have accepted me and mixed loyalties, and the confusions that comes with it. But not having many Indian friends in the US (first or second generation), or those who share my mixed loyalties- often makes me feel like the picture above. A fish out of water!!

Rather, I am that fish jumping out of a bowl with many into a bowl by myself. The bowl full of fish are representative of  the several different cultures I am part of.  But often wind up deviating from. I guess more accurately there would a graphic showing a fish jumping in and out of water.

Upon searching on the internet- I found I belong to a group called "Cross Culture Kids." More on being a Cross Cultural Kid some other time but knowing that I am part of a larger community of people with mixed identities- well there is comfort in it!! None the less I cannot help but want more Indian- American friends. It's something I plan to seek out more but not if they come at the expense of the great friendships that I have now. Not that I anticipate that happening.


* I found this image when I googled "fish out of water." I do not own the image. I do not intend any copyright infringement. 

Burger and Brew

I love FOOD so what I am going to say next is a surprise. I am unsure about going to Food Festivals. Why? Well, first of all portion sizes tend to be smaller than what you would get for the same price normally. The event space tends to be super packed. There is usually too much going on. That said the foodie in me wins and I tend to go to some festivals anyway. So this year M, and I decided to go to the Burger and Brew in Middleton.

Compare to most food event's Burger and Brew is very well priced at $30/ per entry. Also unlike most food festivals two people can share a ticket! One ticket gets you four pours of beer or soda, and three burgers. You can buy more "pours" at the event. You can use two "pours" for a dessert. The burgers we had were really good but greatly varied in size. They were more "sliders" than burgers. The beers I tried were quite good. The desserts were okay nothing special. And the only soda options  were locally brewed which was cool but unfortunately the taste really disappointed. One big CON was that even if you had tickets you had to wait in line about 20 minutes to get it, And when you did get in- there was NO where to sit. It was really frustrating trying to juggle a glass, and a burger while trying to eat . I feel like need a wave system or something. Yet overall I think the Burger and Brew fest was worth the money. I will definitely attend events by Reap Food Group in the future. If I do go to Burger and Brew again, I will go EARLY!! As a date too- it was great. Nice to get outside.We bought two tickets and shared it with another couple. Great double date idea.

Changes...

"And that is how change happens. One gesture. One person. One moment at a time.”
― Libba Bray, The Sweet Far Thing

In evolution, "adaption" is the process of slow change while "mutation" is rapid changes in a small period of time. Don't quote me on this- I might be completely wrong. It is just how I differed them in my mind. Like in evolution our life we have slow constant change we are adapting too. Then there are those periods where we have bursts of changes. I am in the latter right now.

Some of the big changes are as follows:

1) Finished graduate school

2) Bought a house

3) Parents are selling their house

4) For the first time in my life I am closer distance wise to my parents than my sister

5) Seriously thinking about career since I graduate that might mean a job change. Not sure yet. 

These changes are just that- different, a change from before. They have changed how I conduct my daily life, and as a result recently I have reflected on change and how we as humans deal with change. I have come to realize that people assume change to be good or bad- but many times it is not something that we can tell right away, only time will tell. You also need not fear change. I am truly surprised at how many people do. I believe you should embrace change but be cautious. It is the smart way to deal with it. Things are always changing, and sometimes you don't even know it. 

“The present changes the past. Looking back you do not find what you left behind.”
― Kiran Desai, The Inheritance of Loss

Thrifty Tuesdays

Dates for most people is a weekend affair. That is true for us as well. But in the summer when weekends get full quickly between weddings, grill outs, parties, etc. It is nice to get a quick date in during the week to relax and enjoy. If it is affordable then it gets extra points. And, that's what thrifty Tuesdays is all about!!

Metcalfe's Market has what they call the "Tuesday Night Run." Members (anyone can be a member by signing up online) get 10% off every Tuesday night including on their hot food bar which is yummy!!! In addition to that- the second Tuesday of every month they have tastings for specialty food all over the store. Tuesday nights is fantastic night to make Metcalfe's part of your date night and because it's a gourmet store you have many options.


A couple of options are as follows:
1) You could go on the second Tuesday night sample some free food, and then head to Barnes and Nobles next door (West Side) and wander together- It's Free!!
2) You could buy some gourmet cheese and wine, and have small picnic.
3) Buy fancy ingredients, and make a nice dinner at home together. If you have kid's send them to to movies!!
4) Do a cliche, which M and I often do on Tuesdays- Dinner, and a Movie!!

We usually get food from the hot bar which we either "take-out" and eat at home, or eat in their little cafe (On the West Side Metcalfes- they let you eat in the cafe,not sure about Midvale). I recommend Metcalfe's Chinese food it is really good American- Chinese. Follow it up with a movie at Point Cinemas for $5 Tuesdays. Marcus currently runs specials where every movie is $5 all day on Tuesdays at all their theaters including the Ultra Screen. I would recommend buying tickets EARLY for popular movies.

Overall, Tuesday nights are a great night to get a date in and run an errand to the grocery store. Two birds with one stone! We do it often, and enjoy ourselves. It's not something path-breaking but it's fun. It is super affordable- it is a date night for under $25!!

Note: The image above belongs to Metcalfes. No copyright infringement is intended. Neither Marcus nor Metcalfe's has paid me in anyway. These offers are up to the businesses they can stop it at any time. Metcalfes is ending Tuesday Night Run in October. 

Coming Your Way

The purpose of this blog is evolving to help me be more focused and me more accountable for time. There is absolutely no reason I have not posted something more recently except plain and simple procrastination. Now that I am done with graduate school that seems to be a focus in my life: Procrastination. It needs to stop. So it starts with the blog here are few posts.

Coming your way hopefully by the 4th of July not necessarily in this order:
1) Fish Out of Water : A tale of my struggles with my identity
2) Thrifty Tuesdays: An idea for a cheap date night
3) Burger and Brew: Recap of a date night
4) Immigrant Moments: A fun heart warming moment
5) Changes: Like I said I graduated but that's not the only change

So stay tuned.

A Bassett Street Brunch And Macarons

This is the first in the series of our dates : Brunch and a Cooking Class!

For some reason nights and evenings have capitalized "dating." Poor days!It's like one cannot be excited and romantic during it. Well this first date definitely breaks that mold. Morning and afternoon dates are especially great on Sunday, so you can still go to bed on time starting the week fresh? Just kidding... that did not happen but we did have the date on Sunday. Part of the date was impromptu, and  the other part had been booked a week in advance.

We started by heading over to Bassett Street Brunch Club, a place we have enjoyed in the past, and did this time too!! We decided on Bassett Street because we had a gift certificate that sweetened the deal. Definitely recommend the Fried Chicken with Biscuits. This is a good entree to split if that is your thing. We did not this time but might in the future. They also have donuts. In Madison given the reputed Greenbush I was skeptical. But these were good! M especially likes the Maple Bacon Donut.

After filling up with brunch,we headed to Orange Tree Imports to learn how to make some macarons. In addition to being a gourmet food store, they do cooking demo classes. We love macrons (and had heard they are temperamental) so why not have a professional show us how to make it? We did book this class in advance. I came across it while looking for something else. Unfortunately, at that time the class was all booked up. I put us on the wait list and two spots opened up the previous weekend. And so the wheels were put in motion for this date. While the class was informative and useful, it was not what I expected. It's more like an extended demo, and there was minimal hands on cooking. So that was a tad disappointing. But learning, and eating macarons was pretty cool.
 

Overall  I think as a date: brunch, and a cooking class is a pretty solid option. Would I say this particular class? Not sure, I did learn, and the instructor was good. But it was quite pricey at $80. 00 for two people. And without an hands on experience- not really worth it in my opinion. The brunch was reasonable I think it was about 30 something with beverages, and an appetizer. And it was yummy. But together this put the date in the $100 + category which is expensive for us. And not really a possibility to do often. But something to consider is this can be adapted to be cheaper if done differently?A cheaper spot for brunch, and  
may be a cheaper class? Or a Free Demo at a Grocery Store? It can!! So it is something we will change up, and do again.

So would I recommend; Basset Street: Yes, Orange Tree Imports Cooking Class- May be, it depends on what you are looking for, and Brunch and a Cooking Class as a date? Yes!

Dating Blues

You get married or start living together, and something like this might follow:

A) Monday evening: you cook together, and watch TV. What use to be a planned date in the past become a necessity, and therefore becomes a rut.

B) You might be spending 3 to 5 nights a week together. So part of the point of dating is to spend alone time together and you are already doing that, right?

It is easy to get in a RUT. It is even easier to forget to "Plan" a date.

Dates are more than alone time together. It is time you spend together to get to know each other and understand each other. It is about making the other person feel special. In essence it is putting effort into a relationship.  That's why you can have friend, mother, siblings, etc " dates." But I digress...

The point is it is easy to put "dating" on the back burner especially in couples. M& I, have been guilty of this recently especially while I have been in graduate school. As I graduated this past weekend, we made a promise to spend more time together being more purposeful about "dating." We also want to try and think about our "dates" so we don't get into a Dinner and Movie rut.

So starting now I am going to attempt to chronicle our dates. Most of course will be in the lovely town of Madison but some outside.

When the going gets tough...

You Pause. You Avoid. You Dwell. You Stop Caring. You Get Angry.  But you pick up and move on!

Honestly speaking the last few months have been physically, and emotionally exhausting. I have been sick every other week, school has been tough to keep up, work has been draining, and my parents are having some difficulties too which also required my time. As I try to keep up- I have done all of the above; procrastinated and not done anything (pause), pretended like I had control (avoid), worried too much about things I could not control (dwell), I started letting myself go (stopped caring), gotten angry at the world (angry), and now I am ready to move on.

A few Thursdays ago- I did not pack lunch so I walked to get some lunch. As I walked  I focused on the good in my life. I am graduating with a master's degree, I am healthy, I have incredible friends and family, and so much more. I decided enough is enough.

I AM am going to get my act together.

I am not there yet. Since then I have slipped a few times, and needed to pick up again- but I know I can do it. Things might unravel again but I will then do it all over again, and not give up.

I think sometimes society, and we ourselves do not give enough credit to will power.
Originally I had a long ramble about the messages we are getting from society about will power etc, But I realized something- it was hard to convey, and I could not do get the words quite right. So all I want to say is without dismissing real problems like depression is that we as humans have amazing will power. Sometimes we forget that. Will power is not the ability to overcome problems right away- it is the ability to process it however one must, and to keep going. To fail and try again.

So when the going gets tough, remember you can get going too- and it's a process.

Ghar Se Ghar Tak (Fom Home to Home)

Whenever you travel there is a familiar feeling when you hit your own bed- It’s good to be back home.  

But it’s strange to say that when I come back from India- where is home? I was very much an American teenager, but I had an Indian adolescence. As such, going to back to India is very much an emotional roller coaster.  But this trip which I made after being away for too long…  What more? I took my white husband with me. But this journey was too beautiful- if chaotic at times. None the less- I rediscovered India, and it’s still beautiful. India is not perfect by any means, nor was this trip, but those are discussions for another day.  Today is about the beauty of India.  

I grew up in a city of dreams, Mumbai. One day in Mumbai of taking it all in- I was reminded how beautifully diverse India is. To an American eye India might appear less diverse but that is not the case. There is no religion, language, class, caste, and yes, even race uniting India. It’s strikingly diverse. Indians’ embrace and fear this diversity all at the same time. It’s untamed- there is always something going on, and it’s always changing. People are curious if sometimes a little nosy. But adults and children alike bask in their curiosity. In this curiosity I find acceptance, how can you possibly embrace a person or idea without getting to know it? It’s spiritual not necessarily religions. One will be surprised by the number of Hindus at Haji Ali or Mount Mary, and vice versa. India is colorful and historic. Both these things entice me. India is full of contradictions- this both a positive and negative.It’s reminiscent of us,human beings. India at the end of the day is home.

But at the end of the day lying on my bed in Madison, Wisconsin felt like home.  My trip to India in December 2013 returning January 2014- was a trip from home to home.

Why do you Blog? Who Knows about it?

Few months ago, I came across a post on Franish where she discusses not necessarily wanting her Med School Colleagues to know about her blog. That combined with my recent conversation with a local blogger, got me thinking- Why am I blogging? Who Knows about it? Does it Matter?

I started this blog when I started my life as a married women. I have not hidden the blog nor have I exactly promoted it. I am honestly not sure where this blog is going to lead. But like Franish I am not sure I want some people to know about it. Why? Because I don't think they get it, and I don't want to be judged.

 Haven't I, however, by putting up a public blog opened doors for public discussion on what I am saying, whether its positive or negative? It may happen. I could privatize it but that was not why I am blogging? I am not sure.

Right now the blog is very low key, and pretty much about my thoughts and story. Someday it could evolve into some substantial content that people want to share and read- then it brings up a question of do I have  an obligation to my readers?  I don't know.

For Now I Blog, with the hopes of blogging more in the future. Lets see where this goes?

Obligatory New Years Post

Happy NEW YEAR!

Much has happened in 2013, Much More is to happen in the future ....

Scholar. Practitioner. Homemaker? (Part 2)

I ended last time with the idea of wanting to be a homemaker sometimes. I can hear many of my feminist friends cringe at this notion, and a couple of my friends cheer.

But there a another reality here, I love working. My current job is not my destination but I still enjoy it. I have been very lucky with the exception of banking, I have enjoyed all my jobs. Yes, even my retail and catering jobs. Of course there were aspects I disliked about all my jobs. But it was not until I worked in banking, that I understood the meaning of hating a job. Honestly, it sucks. I realized then also how important liking my job was to my identity.  I will most likely always work, at least part time. I think its important to me to do so- for myself, and for security. Although, don't get be wrong vacation/ sabbaticals that last multiple months are welcome :-)

In the United States and around the world many women ( and luckily a growing number of men) work and take care of their home but in my experience they genuinely prefer one. They would like to be able to just be stay at homes but can't financially. They would love to work and not have to household stuff but can't afford to pay someone. For now- lets not talk about the lucky women who can work and afford to pay someone to take care of their home or have the ability to stay at home or those who have to do neither*.

The struggle however comes here. There are two facts:
1) I enjoy working
2) I also enjoy taking care of my home.
I do want to say I am strictly talking about doing household projects, being able to cook more, cleaning, etc. I realize very much that there is a complex layer of relationships involved in this that motivate choices.

I don't know that I prefer working or home stuff. I want to excel at both.I don't want to pause my career for my home, or vice-versa. I know that is not possible as I move up in my career.Life is about compromises and some day I will need to make it. Heck, I make it now. My home falls to the back end since school and work take priority. Luckily M does more of the home stuff. But I feel my home is not to the standards I want. Not saying M is doing a poor job, but there are things that in my opinion need two people with more time to tackle. These things are not happening. In general I am concerned I am trying to be a perfectionist, and I might never be satisfied. I struggle because I don't see other men or women who enjoy and want to do both things. Am I weird? 


*Its important to note that not all people have the free will to choose these scenarios-some women to this day are being forced into one. Unfortunately not by circumstances but society and people, even in the United States.

Scholar. Practitioner. Homemaker? ( Part 1)

In this series of posts I am going to explore my ambitiousness and homemaking, make sense of it?
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I will say it (with fear of backlash) I envy stay at home spouses, and parents. For much of my childhood my mom was one and my home was much less chaotic. There is something to be said about having a tidy home and fresh meals when you get home that I truly miss.Of course, I am not saying that is all stay at home spouses or parents do- but that is what I miss as an adult in my house. Stay at home (women and men) do something incredible everyday, they keep homes together, and awesomely functioning.

Some days when despite my desperate efforts to have a functioning, organized, and clean home with good food- I just cannot do it. Perhaps it will be easier when I am not trying to juggle it with school and work, but somehow I am not sure its ever going to be that.

My mom is incredible. When we moved to the U.S.- she started working again, and even with that she maintained a home very well. Although, it was not never quite like when she stayed at home. And as she has gotten older- its been harder. My parents home is not as clean or as organized as before.(Although, I never thought it was particularly organized just really clean. But I am an organizing freak, on the border line of insane of how much I expect things to be organized. It should also be noted that I am terrible at reaching my expectations).

I think when it comes to domestic task something very detrimental has happened in society. While more and more women have the ability and need to work- they still are expected to be the primary homemaker. S, says that the most terrible outcome of the feminism moment is that it it never emancipated men from their stereotypes too (more on that some other day). I know this true in my parent's home, my father does not help out with a lot of domestic chores.

My home is a little different it represents the slowly changing world. M is very helpful around the home- he enjoys cooking, loves baking, is a laundry expert, but his organizing skills are questionable at best. Cleaning is a hit or miss. So many days I wish I could stay at home and work, or just be a stay at home wife some day??

Appearance, Inferiority, and Dignity

Eleanor Roosevelt once said," No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  I think she was a brilliant women, and this is a quote I have myself use. However, I think like everything there are limitations to this thought. Today I am going to reflect about appearance, inferiority, and dignity. When I say "appearance" I am primarily thinking about weight, grooming, and body enhancements. But there are of course other very crucial things to your appearance like race, culture, etc. that are significantly more complicated. Not to say what I am discussing today is not complicated.

One thing I reflected upon in my coming into your own style post is the fact that women have a lot of pressure to look good.I also state that a person should change for themselves and not society. I truly do believe that, you should change your appearance because you want too. But the reality is quite complex, its not like a child looks at a their nose and says "its crooked", the child at some point has learned that.I have struggled with how I feel about appearance for a long time. Its one of those places where society has constructed notions on prettiness, and make people feel inferior all the time. But there are personal choices involved too.

I use to believe that plastic surgery unless for medical reasons is vain but then I thought about how unhappy someone must be with a body part to willingly change it sometimes via painful procedures. If they have the money, and it brings them happiness- what is wrong with it? How is it any different that spending money on other luxury items for feeling better. But isn't there something wrong? Especially when we as a society choose to promote some particular features. There is something inherently disturbing about east Asians wanting to fix their eyes to look more big. Hair Removal in women in another thing that is similar- why are women expected to shave, and remove their facial hair and judged if they don't. I remember the Sikh women who chose not to due to her religion, and the internet was HARSH. Although, many did come to her rescue and point out the gender hypocrisy and such. This hits especially close to heart because I myself have dark facial hair.Weight is even more tricky because health concerns associated with it. Of course there are many more things associated with appearance as such; make- up, dressing,etc. On many of these I don't have the right answer they are more grey that society makes it to be. There are people's emotions, meaning in daily life, and much more involved. Its not easy to answer.

So how then do we say what is right?

I say the answer is DIGNITY. Treating people no matter how they look with dignity. I am not prefect at this- I have my personal preferences on appearances. So I am trying everyday to not let it cloud my judgement and treatment of others. That said wanting people you care about to change for their benefit for example loosing or putting on weight is not wrong in my opinion. But one must do so in a manner that acknowledges that it is that person's body, and they have the right to choose. Acknowledging that their feelings are more important than your notions. I am not prefect at this by any means- but I am trying, and striving to do it right everyday. Now only if I could get more of the world on board with this.

P.S- I still think that is wrong to physically change children (eg. nose job) without a medical reason. I think that is a choice they should make when they are olde, and not because you have some notions of  being pretty. But that too gets complicated. For example its common in my dad's culture to have kids' (boys and girls) ears pierced. That is something I was planning on doing when/if I choose to have kinds- but is it right?

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/e/eleanor_roosevelt.html#qvlj0eYl2IdihKWQ.99

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/e/eleanor_roosevelt.html#qvlj0eYl2IdihKWQ.99