Ghar Se Ghar Tak (Fom Home to Home)

Whenever you travel there is a familiar feeling when you hit your own bed- It’s good to be back home.  

But it’s strange to say that when I come back from India- where is home? I was very much an American teenager, but I had an Indian adolescence. As such, going to back to India is very much an emotional roller coaster.  But this trip which I made after being away for too long…  What more? I took my white husband with me. But this journey was too beautiful- if chaotic at times. None the less- I rediscovered India, and it’s still beautiful. India is not perfect by any means, nor was this trip, but those are discussions for another day.  Today is about the beauty of India.  

I grew up in a city of dreams, Mumbai. One day in Mumbai of taking it all in- I was reminded how beautifully diverse India is. To an American eye India might appear less diverse but that is not the case. There is no religion, language, class, caste, and yes, even race uniting India. It’s strikingly diverse. Indians’ embrace and fear this diversity all at the same time. It’s untamed- there is always something going on, and it’s always changing. People are curious if sometimes a little nosy. But adults and children alike bask in their curiosity. In this curiosity I find acceptance, how can you possibly embrace a person or idea without getting to know it? It’s spiritual not necessarily religions. One will be surprised by the number of Hindus at Haji Ali or Mount Mary, and vice versa. India is colorful and historic. Both these things entice me. India is full of contradictions- this both a positive and negative.It’s reminiscent of us,human beings. India at the end of the day is home.

But at the end of the day lying on my bed in Madison, Wisconsin felt like home.  My trip to India in December 2013 returning January 2014- was a trip from home to home.

Why do you Blog? Who Knows about it?

Few months ago, I came across a post on Franish where she discusses not necessarily wanting her Med School Colleagues to know about her blog. That combined with my recent conversation with a local blogger, got me thinking- Why am I blogging? Who Knows about it? Does it Matter?

I started this blog when I started my life as a married women. I have not hidden the blog nor have I exactly promoted it. I am honestly not sure where this blog is going to lead. But like Franish I am not sure I want some people to know about it. Why? Because I don't think they get it, and I don't want to be judged.

 Haven't I, however, by putting up a public blog opened doors for public discussion on what I am saying, whether its positive or negative? It may happen. I could privatize it but that was not why I am blogging? I am not sure.

Right now the blog is very low key, and pretty much about my thoughts and story. Someday it could evolve into some substantial content that people want to share and read- then it brings up a question of do I have  an obligation to my readers?  I don't know.

For Now I Blog, with the hopes of blogging more in the future. Lets see where this goes?

Obligatory New Years Post

Happy NEW YEAR!

Much has happened in 2013, Much More is to happen in the future ....

Scholar. Practitioner. Homemaker? (Part 2)

I ended last time with the idea of wanting to be a homemaker sometimes. I can hear many of my feminist friends cringe at this notion, and a couple of my friends cheer.

But there a another reality here, I love working. My current job is not my destination but I still enjoy it. I have been very lucky with the exception of banking, I have enjoyed all my jobs. Yes, even my retail and catering jobs. Of course there were aspects I disliked about all my jobs. But it was not until I worked in banking, that I understood the meaning of hating a job. Honestly, it sucks. I realized then also how important liking my job was to my identity.  I will most likely always work, at least part time. I think its important to me to do so- for myself, and for security. Although, don't get be wrong vacation/ sabbaticals that last multiple months are welcome :-)

In the United States and around the world many women ( and luckily a growing number of men) work and take care of their home but in my experience they genuinely prefer one. They would like to be able to just be stay at homes but can't financially. They would love to work and not have to household stuff but can't afford to pay someone. For now- lets not talk about the lucky women who can work and afford to pay someone to take care of their home or have the ability to stay at home or those who have to do neither*.

The struggle however comes here. There are two facts:
1) I enjoy working
2) I also enjoy taking care of my home.
I do want to say I am strictly talking about doing household projects, being able to cook more, cleaning, etc. I realize very much that there is a complex layer of relationships involved in this that motivate choices.

I don't know that I prefer working or home stuff. I want to excel at both.I don't want to pause my career for my home, or vice-versa. I know that is not possible as I move up in my career.Life is about compromises and some day I will need to make it. Heck, I make it now. My home falls to the back end since school and work take priority. Luckily M does more of the home stuff. But I feel my home is not to the standards I want. Not saying M is doing a poor job, but there are things that in my opinion need two people with more time to tackle. These things are not happening. In general I am concerned I am trying to be a perfectionist, and I might never be satisfied. I struggle because I don't see other men or women who enjoy and want to do both things. Am I weird? 


*Its important to note that not all people have the free will to choose these scenarios-some women to this day are being forced into one. Unfortunately not by circumstances but society and people, even in the United States.

Scholar. Practitioner. Homemaker? ( Part 1)

In this series of posts I am going to explore my ambitiousness and homemaking, make sense of it?
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I will say it (with fear of backlash) I envy stay at home spouses, and parents. For much of my childhood my mom was one and my home was much less chaotic. There is something to be said about having a tidy home and fresh meals when you get home that I truly miss.Of course, I am not saying that is all stay at home spouses or parents do- but that is what I miss as an adult in my house. Stay at home (women and men) do something incredible everyday, they keep homes together, and awesomely functioning.

Some days when despite my desperate efforts to have a functioning, organized, and clean home with good food- I just cannot do it. Perhaps it will be easier when I am not trying to juggle it with school and work, but somehow I am not sure its ever going to be that.

My mom is incredible. When we moved to the U.S.- she started working again, and even with that she maintained a home very well. Although, it was not never quite like when she stayed at home. And as she has gotten older- its been harder. My parents home is not as clean or as organized as before.(Although, I never thought it was particularly organized just really clean. But I am an organizing freak, on the border line of insane of how much I expect things to be organized. It should also be noted that I am terrible at reaching my expectations).

I think when it comes to domestic task something very detrimental has happened in society. While more and more women have the ability and need to work- they still are expected to be the primary homemaker. S, says that the most terrible outcome of the feminism moment is that it it never emancipated men from their stereotypes too (more on that some other day). I know this true in my parent's home, my father does not help out with a lot of domestic chores.

My home is a little different it represents the slowly changing world. M is very helpful around the home- he enjoys cooking, loves baking, is a laundry expert, but his organizing skills are questionable at best. Cleaning is a hit or miss. So many days I wish I could stay at home and work, or just be a stay at home wife some day??

Appearance, Inferiority, and Dignity

Eleanor Roosevelt once said," No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  I think she was a brilliant women, and this is a quote I have myself use. However, I think like everything there are limitations to this thought. Today I am going to reflect about appearance, inferiority, and dignity. When I say "appearance" I am primarily thinking about weight, grooming, and body enhancements. But there are of course other very crucial things to your appearance like race, culture, etc. that are significantly more complicated. Not to say what I am discussing today is not complicated.

One thing I reflected upon in my coming into your own style post is the fact that women have a lot of pressure to look good.I also state that a person should change for themselves and not society. I truly do believe that, you should change your appearance because you want too. But the reality is quite complex, its not like a child looks at a their nose and says "its crooked", the child at some point has learned that.I have struggled with how I feel about appearance for a long time. Its one of those places where society has constructed notions on prettiness, and make people feel inferior all the time. But there are personal choices involved too.

I use to believe that plastic surgery unless for medical reasons is vain but then I thought about how unhappy someone must be with a body part to willingly change it sometimes via painful procedures. If they have the money, and it brings them happiness- what is wrong with it? How is it any different that spending money on other luxury items for feeling better. But isn't there something wrong? Especially when we as a society choose to promote some particular features. There is something inherently disturbing about east Asians wanting to fix their eyes to look more big. Hair Removal in women in another thing that is similar- why are women expected to shave, and remove their facial hair and judged if they don't. I remember the Sikh women who chose not to due to her religion, and the internet was HARSH. Although, many did come to her rescue and point out the gender hypocrisy and such. This hits especially close to heart because I myself have dark facial hair.Weight is even more tricky because health concerns associated with it. Of course there are many more things associated with appearance as such; make- up, dressing,etc. On many of these I don't have the right answer they are more grey that society makes it to be. There are people's emotions, meaning in daily life, and much more involved. Its not easy to answer.

So how then do we say what is right?

I say the answer is DIGNITY. Treating people no matter how they look with dignity. I am not prefect at this- I have my personal preferences on appearances. So I am trying everyday to not let it cloud my judgement and treatment of others. That said wanting people you care about to change for their benefit for example loosing or putting on weight is not wrong in my opinion. But one must do so in a manner that acknowledges that it is that person's body, and they have the right to choose. Acknowledging that their feelings are more important than your notions. I am not prefect at this by any means- but I am trying, and striving to do it right everyday. Now only if I could get more of the world on board with this.

P.S- I still think that is wrong to physically change children (eg. nose job) without a medical reason. I think that is a choice they should make when they are olde, and not because you have some notions of  being pretty. But that too gets complicated. For example its common in my dad's culture to have kids' (boys and girls) ears pierced. That is something I was planning on doing when/if I choose to have kinds- but is it right?

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/e/eleanor_roosevelt.html#qvlj0eYl2IdihKWQ.99

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/e/eleanor_roosevelt.html#qvlj0eYl2IdihKWQ.99

Eek...

So my promise to update my blog frequently more than failed. It really frustrates me because I do not normally make promises I cannot keep. But life happens and sometimes intentions are important. In the last month I have reconciled with many things. One of the those things is this blog-this is something I do want to. However, it cannot at this time be a bigger part of my life but may be in the future? I will continue to update it, just not as often as I would like.

The last month has been about getting our new apartment straightened out, many social obligations, and preparing for school, and last but not the least- starting of school. This semester is a test of my will, strength , patience and so much more. I am working full time, I am in graduate school full time ( Nine credits, for the first time. I took six the last two semesters since I started grad school, due to wedding stuff), and still have my home life. I want to do this and do it well, for myself and the people who have believed in me.